Why is it that when they’re most exhausted, three-year-olds least want to go to sleep? That isn’t only my kids, right? But it was Sadie Sunday night after her bath, after dinner, after a birthday party with a chocolate cupcake bigger than her fist, after playing with the dad while I went to a book signing, after lunch, after church, after getting up in the morning, the end.

“I will not go upstairs to bed,” said she, cheeks red and eyes glassy. “And no one may carry me up, either.” Predictably, she was asleep in my arms five minutes later.

But wait, what was that? Book signing in the middle of the day, sans kids? (“I think it might be easier if I go alone,” I said. “Um, that’s because it WILL BE easier if you go alone,” said Dane, and so I did.) I went to see my friend Abi Cotler O’Roarty read her essay from the new anthology TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, edited by Samantha Parent Walraven.
 

Look, so pretty! Abi (right) with an
adoring fan. (It’s Heather.) Also, the book.

Abi’s essay is about how her working hours, as a stay-at-home parent, are tied up with her husband’s work hours. When he works overtime in the office, she has to work overtime taking care of the kids; when he pulls an all-nighter to get clients’ projects in order at the last minute, she pulls an all-nighter changing middle-of-the-night diapers and bedding. For example. I am, I will admit, familiar with this dilemma.

The book includes over forty more essays, other voices from many different places in the stay at home/work from home/go to work continuum. Taken together, the ways these women have carved out work and home and parenting suggest that while maybe you can do ANYTHING, you can’t really do EVERYTHING.

We’re all making choices every day in an imperfect system. Whatever we do choose excludes a whole bunch of other things. The choices that work for me might not work for you, and that’s fine. But I find myself wondering what we can do to help parents as a group feel a bit less torn about their circumstances, whatever those may be.

At the book signing, Abi pointed out that reading about so many other women’s experiences helped her to have compassion for those other situations and other choices, and that seems like a reasonably good place to start.

Also shared at the book signing: cupcakes and lemonade. Another good place to start. I can’t send each of you a cupcake, but I can do this: I can give away a copy of the book. TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, signed by one of the essayists. Leave a comment for a chance to win! I’ll choose one commenter at random after midnight Pacific time, Sunday May 8.
 

ETA: Comments are now closed! Random.org tells me that this copy of TORN belongs to Krista, but you can get a copy for yourself anytime at Amazon!

Disclosure: I received a free review/giveaway copy of TORN courtesy of the publisher. My own copy, I bought.