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 | torn: true stories |
Why is it that when they’re most exhausted, three-year-olds least want to go to sleep? That isn’t only my kids, right? But it was Sadie Sunday night after her bath, after dinner, after a birthday party with a chocolate cupcake bigger than her fist, after playing with the dad while I went to a book signing, after lunch, after church, after getting up in the morning, the end.
“I will not go upstairs to bed,” said she, cheeks red and eyes glassy. “And no one may carry me up, either.” Predictably, she was asleep in my arms five minutes later.
But wait, what was that? Book signing in the middle of the day, sans kids? (“I think it might be easier if I go alone,” I said. “Um, that’s because it WILL BE easier if you go alone,” said Dane, and so I did.) I went to see my friend Abi Cotler O’Roarty read her essay from the new anthology TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, edited by Samantha Parent Walraven.
Look, so pretty! Abi (right) with an
adoring fan. (It’s Heather.) Also, the book.
Abi’s essay is about how her working hours, as a stay-at-home parent, are tied up with her husband’s work hours. When he works overtime in the office, she has to work overtime taking care of the kids; when he pulls an all-nighter to get clients’ projects in order at the last minute, she pulls an all-nighter changing middle-of-the-night diapers and bedding. For example. I am, I will admit, familiar with this dilemma.
The book includes over forty more essays, other voices from many different places in the stay at home/work from home/go to work continuum. Taken together, the ways these women have carved out work and home and parenting suggest that while maybe you can do ANYTHING, you can’t really do EVERYTHING.
We’re all making choices every day in an imperfect system. Whatever we do choose excludes a whole bunch of other things. The choices that work for me might not work for you, and that’s fine. But I find myself wondering what we can do to help parents as a group feel a bit less torn about their circumstances, whatever those may be.
At the book signing, Abi pointed out that reading about so many other women’s experiences helped her to have compassion for those other situations and other choices, and that seems like a reasonably good place to start.
Also shared at the book signing: cupcakes and lemonade. Another good place to start. I can’t send each of you a cupcake, but I can do this: I can give away a copy of the book. TORN: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood, signed by one of the essayists. Leave a comment for a chance to win! I’ll choose one commenter at random after midnight Pacific time, Sunday May 8.
ETA: Comments are now closed! Random.org tells me that this copy of TORN belongs to Krista, but you can get a copy for yourself anytime at Amazon!
Disclosure: I received a free review/giveaway copy of TORN courtesy of the publisher. My own copy, I bought.
I would love to read that book, Melissa! I’m glad you got some fun time alone on a Sunday afternoon!!
That sounds like a book that I definitely want to read!
This book was MEANT for me!! Must read.
Just entered the working world after being a SAHM and would love to read other voices on the subject.
We can’t do it everything, but we sure try, don’t we?
The book looks wonderful.
I think we all need a peek into the lives of other moms to be reminded not only we’re all different, but even through those differences, see that we can do a good job and learn from each other.
Congratulations to Abi. I can’t wait to read what she and the other women wrote.
I certainly want to read this book. The topics are something that are pertinent for all moms.
Yes! Congratulations to Abi! And to for you on going out on your own! It sounds like the book signing was fun. I wish I would have known about it… I’d love to read the book, but please send cupcakes!
Wow…this is too fun! I came over from Facebook and I am super glad I did! I am currently reading some of your posts and having a great time. So much more fun than the chores I should be doing:) This book sounds like a great read! Thanks for sharing it with us:)
I would love a copy. I am so excited for Abi!
I really want to read this book. Is it available everywhere?
No need to enter me in the drawing ~ I’m an empty nester. Though I’m sure I’d enjoy all these essays, I’m not in the thick of it at this stage!
I do want to say that compassion (read non-judgmental acceptance) of our fellow moms/parents is so essential to all of us feeling less torn and having more confidence as we parent. The friends that have helped (help!) me along the way are those who loved and helped me see the best in my children and those who strove to understand and accept my parenting decisions ~ even if they were different from their own!
Oh, PHEW! I thought I had missed my chance to comment (and ENTER TO WIN)! You see, I’ve been busy juggling all of that mamahood and career stuff. (Not going to book readings and signings all by myself, AHEM.)
Hi! What nice surprise . . . I found this blog through a series of internet clicks and tweets and was just thinking you were awesome when you suddenly became more awesome by having a contest.
I’m putting the book on my Amazon list, but hoping for the best here! Your site is a breath of fresh air and I’m glad I found it . . . consider me subscribed!