ME: All four children are now in bed and asleep! They will sleep all night long and wake up happy and healthy as clams!

DANE: Clams?

ME: It made sense in my head before I said it.

DANE: Sure.

ME: I shall now sit down to watch figure skating, even though the competition is over and I already know who won. Still it will be fun to watch people spin on ice! [Gets laptop and snack. Sits down.]

CHILD #4: I am no longer asleep! Hello! Come put me back to bed, please. [Translated version. Actual version sounds like: Waahaahahahaaaaaaah!]

ME: But no! You are sick! And you have finally stopped coughing so you can sleep, which you really should!

CHILD #3: Actually, I am not so much asleep anymore either. [See translation caveat, above.]

ME: What? But you are also sickish! Sleep, sleep!

CHILD #2: You know what’s funny? I’m awake too! And it’s the middle of the night!

ME: Not actually funny.

CHILD #4: Waaaaaah!

CHILD #2: I will now attempt to involve you in a long and wide-ranging conversation even though I just woke up! And it’s the middle of the night!

ME: You were recently sick. Sleep is good for that. Everyone! Back. To. Sleep.

CHILD #3: Waaaaaah!

CHILD #1: [snores.]

ME: Goodbye, idea of watching figure skating. Some other time.

CHILD #2: I can see in the dark! Probably because I ate more carrots than usual today.