best conversation of the weekend

[both parties yelling, because they’re not in the same room]

OWEN: Dad! Sadie is LICKING my CAST!
DANE: Well, she’s curious about it.
OWEN: Oh. Okay… Uh… Could you MAKE HER STOP?

* * *

best conversation of today

ME: I love you, Sadie.
SADIE: I love Daddy.
ME: I see.

8:00AM
Says the me: How’s the arm?
Says the Owen: Fine! Good! It hurts.

12:30PM
Dane & Owen leave for orthopedist.

2:32PM
Triumphant return with arm in neon orange cast! Excitement and exclaiming ensue.

2:33PM
Much chanting of mantra: “I’m the first one in our WHOLE FAMILY to ever have a cast!”

4:17PM
First itch occurs inside cast.

4:18PM
Commence approved itch-removal methods. (Scratch other arm in same place. Tap cast with spoon. Apply vibrating device to cast.) Realize the only vibrating device around is the cell phone, and only when set to vibrate instead of ring. Decide this may be a ridiculous means of scratching arm. Borrow back-massager thing from my parents, who apparently own one of everything ever invented.

5:24PM
New mantra: “I feel tired of the cast.”

5:32PM
My mother stops by to admire cast WITH GREAT ENTHUSIASM.

6:03PM
My stepfather stops by to admire cast ALSO WITH GREAT ENTHUSIASM and to take pictures for posterity.

6:14PM
Boy is excited about cast again.

8:02PM
Boy and his cast have gone to bed.

8:32PM
Parents assume boy is asleep.

8:35PM
Boy and his cast are not asleep.

8:49PM
Boy and his cast need drink of water.

9:18PM
Boy and his cast need pillows rearranged.

9:46PM
Boy and his cast need blankets rearranged. Parents refrain from yelling: IT’S BEEN A LONG DAY AND WE SWEAR YOU’D FEEL BETTER IF YOU’D JUST FALL ASLEEP ALREADY.

10:06PM
Boy asleep. Parents discuss feasibility of renovating house to cover walls and floors with pillows to avoid future injuries. Then parents remember bill from orthopedist. Parents decide against renovating in the near future. Also against shoe shopping in the near future. Also against grocery shopping in the near future.

10:07PM
Parents really ought to go to bed rather than continue this line of thought.

10:09PM
Parents distracted by chocolate. Ah. Much better. Parents recall earlier advice regarding YOU’D FEEL BETTER IF SLEEP BLAH BLAH. Will parents take own advice? Seems unlikely…

Oh, what a week we are having.

Some friends are visiting from out of town. (Side note: Portland, OR, why must you steal our friends away? And why must you be so far away? Also, I am jealous of your fresh produce.)

We spent a morning at the beach with them, which led to Sadie taking a long late nap, which led to a funked-out bedtime, which has led to crazy off-schedule sleep all week. Hooray. But the beach part and the visiting part were awesome.

Then there was the thing with Owen’s arm, which will, I hope, be resolved ever so soon. Perhaps at the orthopedist tomorrow.

And now two of my kids are playing with water (one in the tub, one in the sink), and I am thankful for a laptop that can move about the house so I have something to do while supervising said water play.

The space bar on said laptop is sticking. Irk. Now I may be less thankful and more annoyed.

The water has begun mysteriously migrating out of sink and tub and onto children and counter and floor. Can you call it “mysteriously” when you can plainly see Audrey splashing and pouring the water?

Towels are being called into duty. Clearly we had too many clean towels, and the children are helping to remedy the situation.

Water toys (aka measuring cups and spoons) are now rapidly joining the ranks of the wet towels on the floor. Some might say they are being flung to the floor. “Some” would be right.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I think we’re done with water play for the day.

Alrighty then. I think the take-home point is this: I would like if nothing else “exciting” could happen for a while. That would be okay with me. (The moral of the story, of course, is: Water and toddlers and the indoors do not mix, even when toddlers are tired out, even if you’re trying to keep them entertained and away from an injured sibling. But I bet you already knew that.)

[Me telephoning my mother. Phone ringing. Imagine the greeting. I’m not going to write it out, as that part isn’t interesting to read.]

ME: So, hypothetically, if you had a child who might possibly need a cast, would you go to the ped first, or straight to the orthopedist?
HER: Why, what did he do?*
ME: What?! However did you guess which of my children I was referring to?

What, just because he climbs doorjambs at home and the poles that hold up the swingset at the playground and furniture everywhere? Just because he is the embodiment of sheer kinetic energy? Just because of that?

Yeah, I guess pretty much it makes sense.

* He slipped in the living room and landed funny on his arm. He wasn’t even doing anything particularly adventurous, unless you count running in the house as adventurous. Which I guess you might if you don’t live with my children. The arm looks okay, but it hurts enough that he’s not using it, so we’re going to have it checked out. He’s super excited about the possibility of an x-ray. I am only mildly queasy about the same.

The thing about being overtired is that you might get sick. And the thing about being sick is that (if it’s Saturday and Dane is home and none of the kids are sick and therefore no one desperately needs Mama for anything) you can sleep all afternoon without even realizing you’re doing so.

And then somehow you feel slightly better. Because sleeping helps fight germs! And sleeping makes you less tired! Sleep is our friend.

So it all works out in the end. I really ought to complain less.

Regarding the whole concept of the summer cold: I disapprove.

Coughing, sniffling, sore throat, feeling run-down and whiny—these things should not be part of summer. I understand that we haven’t had much summer weather yet. We mostly have thick mist and light rain. Whatever. This does not negate my original hypothesis, namely that summer colds are unpleasant, unnecessary, and patently unfair.

I do not care that my hypothesis fails to withstand scientific inquiry. Mostly I just want my nose to stop running.

The end.

-    I cannot find my shoes.

-    I have not brushed my hair today either.

-    And by “shoes” I do mean “ragged old flip flops.”

-    I haven’t been able to find a new pair of flip flops. In a store, I mean.

-    I’m really really picky about flip flops. They have to not feel weird between my toes. The ones I have are keds, but I don’t think keds makes them anymore.

-    I also haven’t found a pair of nice non-flip-flop sandals yet this summer.

-    Or a bathing suit.

-    I haven’t actually owned a bathing suit in years—maybe seven or eight years? Let me think. The last time I bought a bathing suit Abigail was a baby, but I wore it (on rare occasion) for a couple of summers after that. So I guess it’s probably been more like six years since I had one.

-    Why yes, yes we do live in southern California. But not right on the beach or anything. It takes probably ten minutes to get to the beach from here. Not that I would want to go there without flip flops or a bathing suit.

-    Sigh.

-    On the plus side, two of the kids slept past nine o’clock this morning! Unfortunately it was the older two, and the younger two were up at six. But still. And yes, now the little ones are tag-team napping—one napped, then woke up just in time for the other one to fall asleep. But still. Still. It’s something.

-    You know what else is something? Weekends. And we’re going to have one. Because that’s what happens after Friday. I’ll take it.

ME: I am going to die if I don’t get some sleep.
DANE: Hmm. I’ll make sure we give you a nice service.

Me = Not comforted.

-    I am exhausted. Nothing special, just a couple of weeks of less sleep than usual. Which isn’t much to begin with. Surprised? Anyone? This is a boring point, and probably should have come somewhere in the middle, where you’re more likely to skim and less likely to be annoyed at having wasted time reading the boring point. I apologize.

-    I want to win this dress. I own, I think, zero dresses. And I’m not at all as fabulous as that dress is, but maybe I could pretend every once in a while. Maybe?

-    I will have a giveaway here later this week, but not of a dress. Or anything to do with a dress. Also, unusually, not a book.

-    I seem to be using more than my fair share of commas in this post. I apologize for that, too. Has to do with the sleep factor. (Less sleep = more punctuation. I can’t explain.)

-    Usually I procrastinate by cleaning. The last couple of weeks, I’ve been procrastinating by baking. Brownies and cinnamon rolls and a spice cake and banana muffins and herb bread, recommended by @woowoomama. I baked, in fact, until I broke my stand mixer. Did you even know such a thing was possible? Because I did not. It makes a mechanical noise but the beater does not move. This, being the exact opposite of what a mixer is supposed to do, is unfortunate.

Today I made no-knead bread and another spice cake (the first one was GOOD and also GONE). But as I am mixing by hand, the glaze will turn out lumpy, which means it won’t be pretty enough to serve to my (nonexistent) teatime visitors, so I will have to eat the whole thing myself. Or maybe with a little help from people who live with me and thus will not judge me based on the unsmoothness of my spice cake glaze.

Both my house and my waistline would like me to go back to cleaning instead of baking. They may be out of luck. (Let me say again, spice cake = good.) Then again, maybe I could get back to the projects I’m avoiding in the first place. Maybe while I eat the cake. It could happen.

Funny how the picture looks so serene, when the reality was so loud.

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