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 | the daily routine |
Alternately titled: Why I am never on time to anything, ever, no matter what, even though I set out clothes and pack diaper bags the night before trying to go anywhere.
When it is time to get out the door, every single time:
There will be sudden dire need of diaper change. You want me to take care of this before I come to hang out with you, whether at your house or in public. Yes you do.
Either a) someone will have to go to the bathroom, which requires that we all wait a minute, or b) everyone will have to go to the bathroom, which requires not only that we wait, but that we take turns—involving the negotiating of turn-taking as well as the actual taking of turns. And possibly at least one change of clothes, by the time the negotiating is through.
My keys will be missing. My wallet will be missing. My diaper bag and/or baby sling and/or stroller will be missing.
Someone’s clothes will be suddenly and inexplicably wet, oatmealy, or otherwise disgusting. Someone or other will think changing is necessary.
Snacks will be requested (if I haven’t packed any) or vetoed (when what I’ve packed is unpalatable to everyone but the nonexistent family dog) or renegotiated (in those rare instances when I’ve packed something, but something better is available somewhere in the house).
My keys will still be missing.
One or both toddlers will have removed their shoes for the 18,476th time since getting dressed. The shoes will probably not be anywhere in sight. No other shoes will be findable either. Do toddlers really need shoes?
I will realize that I haven’t eaten anything yet today, even if it is three o’clock in the afternoon. I’m always surprised when that happens. Three times a week or so.
Seriously, where the frick are my keys?
Someone will get hurt opening the front door, opening the screen door, or trying to elbow their way past their siblings out the door.
It will be naptime. Or bedtime. Or the next day already, it’s taken us so long to get out the door. Can we reschedule? Like, for when the kids have all gone off to college? Or at least have learned to drive themselves?
Oh, I am laughing as I read this. (Not at you, with you!) I want to get “The Clapper” attached to my keys. So I can just clap and they keys beep or something. I can never find them!
LOL. I almost lost my mind with one toddler, I can’t imagine more.
I always tried to explain a day with a young child to my non-mom friends like this: You know that day when woke up late to discover that you had forgotten to pick up your suit at the dry cleaners? And you put on mis-matched socks? And you had an important meeting but you couldn’t find your notes? And your hair looked like crap? And you spilled coffee on your blouse as you were pulling out of the driveway?
Every day with a toddler is that day. Every. Single. Day.
Oh. Yes. Every day.
Also: a clapper is not a bad idea. not at all. let me know if you come up with one…
The other day I accused my partner of having my car keys. Not because I really thought he had them, but because I honestly couldn’t think of anywhere else to look. Now that’s bad. And, of course, when I found them we had to run down your list, starting with diaper change and ending with changing clothes, and shoes.
So funny! I also have enough trouble w/ one… And everytime I go anywhere I forget at least one thing. I was just at Jimbo’s marveling at the family w/ child smaller than Alessa sitting, eating calmly… Meanwhile my daughter is crying for me to open the juice, won’t let go of the wooden nickels, and I’m carrying a half a tomato that she grabbed and bit into before I figured out what she was doing. So glad we have finally made it home!
Yum, half a tomato.
Oh, M, you always make me feel so much better when I visit your blog after a crazy-making day. And you always hit the nail on the head — and give me a giggle to boot. Thanks.
And that, for the record, is how visiting my BLOG is different than visiting my HOUSE.
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