Today is Sadie Jane’s birthday; today she is one year old. We’re quite surprised by this around here. I haven’t packed away the baby clothes yet, I haven’t ordered toddler size cloth diapers, I don’t have a real high chair for her. We still call her the baby. (What’s that? No, it’s not at all bad for her psychological development, thanks for asking.)

My mother dropped off some new clothes for her this week. “Will Sadie fit a euro size 80?” she asked. (Euro sizes are based on how tall the child is, in centimeters.)

“I think she’s, like, a 60 still,” I said.

Yeah, the 80 fits just fine.

Sadie does not care that we parents refuse to notice the passing of time; she continues to grow and develop skills anyway. She has teeth. She climbs. She walks. She talks. (And by “talks,” I mean she says “uh-oh,” at humorous intervals, and “no!” when angry or injured or when she means no. She is also capable of saying “dada,” “mama,” and “wow,” but those all get far less airtime.) She eats, sort of, a very little bit.

I try not to think about how her babyness is slipping away; how every day she gets a bit bigger, stronger, more independent, more practiced. How we can never get back those first days of squeaky cries and tiny balled fists, of watching her sleep swaddled up, no bigger than a loaf of bread. Not thinking about any of that. Not thinking about how she will one day be school aged, like Abigail and Owen; not thinking about all the firsts yet to come that will slip into the past as surely as did the days of milk-stained sleepers.

Because I can only focus on one thing or the other: I can be melancholy over what’s gone before, or I can participate in the now. Today I choose the now. Today Sadie’s brother and sisters gave her presents they had carefully chosen and wrapped up themselves; today she clapped and giggled and grinned when we sang Happy Birthday, dear Sadie. Today she drank from her new sippy-lidded water bottle, and yes, today we had to go back to the store to get a matching one for Audrey, who cried bitter tears because Sadie’s water bottle has a sippy lid and all our others only have sport tops (which, okay, are hard to work when you’re only two). Today was a good day. A full day. A very normal day.

And tomorrow we will go to a costume party (her first costume party!) and she will wear a costume (her first costume!). The milestones, they just keep piling up.