Tag! I’m it! Kate tagged me for the six-word memoir meme. And I know I’ve been tagged for about eighty-six other memes in the last six months or so, and I always mean to do them, but then I forget. Because I’m lame. I’m sorry. But this one I remembered, so here it is! My life in six words.

As we all know, I can’t tell you my name in less than six words. I’m wordy. So certainly I can’t give you my whole life in just six, right? But some aspect of my life, sure. So here’s what I tried:

Homebirth, homeschool… I’m home a lot.

But that depends on the compound-word versions of “homebirth” and “homeschool.” And while those versions are certainly used, I’m not sure they’re really the accepted norms. I think “home birth” and “home school” are used at least as much, which would give me eight words and therefore would not work. Next!

Missing: Mama’s brain. Hardly used. Help.

“Mama” being me. But that’s not really true; I use my brain. I know where it is. It’s my sanity I’ve misplaced. Maybe it should read more like:

Have kids. Am an exemplary lunatic.

Or perhaps:

Had kids, became virtuously neurotic. Naturally.

Because isn’t that what happens? You’re getting along just fine eating nutrition-free white flour pizzas and potato chips and chocolate ice cream, swimming in overchlorinated pools, eating produce bathed in pesticides, filling your house with furniture that happens to be stuck together in part with glues that give off toxic fumes—and you don’t worry about any of it! You probably don’t even think about any of it! And then you have a baby and it’s wee and vulnerable and you read about how all these things are slowly poisoning your child and hey, just for an added bonus, half the toys on the market are made with toxic levels of lead or arsenic or are laced with phthalates, and the baby bottles leach hormone disruptors—and you’re expected to keep your kid safe! No one else is going to do it for you! Good luck with that!

Um, yeah. Moving on.

I could summarize one of my many flaws:

Not “present” enough? Where am I?

Or describe parenting:

Squirming, squalling! Swaddled. Settled. (Experience helps.)
“Don’t climb—” [Thump! Wail!] (Kiss.) Better.
Everyone! Now. Outside. Run! Play! Go!
Need more books? Me too. Library!

But really I want something more positive… more about my life specifically… but that’s gonna take a while to figure out. So how about this one, which explains how I get anything done, ever:

Do projects. In chunks. Practice completion.

That will have to do. And it only took eight hundred and fifty-two attempts! (Or ten. Ten attempts.) Did I mention that in addition to being wordy, I’m indecisive? Yes, well.

I’m tagging a couple of writer-ly bloggers, because how could they not want to do this? So let’s see six words from Heather, Megan, and Diana! (The rules: Write a six-word memoir. Link to the person who tagged you and to this original post. Tag five others. Go!) Following Kate’s lead, I’m also going to tag my husband, who is welcome to post his here. (Let’s see if he really does…) And I’m going to leave my fifth “tag” open, because don’t you all want to join in? Tag: you! If you do write one, leave me a comment so we can all come read it, won’t you?

(By the way…If your six words happen to be mothering-related, post them at mamazine.com! I’m off to post some there, too.)