And now, for a break from our regularly-scheduled “what I did today” blog posts in favor of a brief rant on the topic of discipline! Because… why not? Also because MotherTalk is having a Blog Bonanza on the topic, and I apparently just can’t resist.

We lean very much toward attachment/intuitive/natural parenting (pick your own adjective!), but lots of attachment-friendly discipline books suggest that if your child is just attached enough, you won’t have any real discipline issues. The “when they feel right, they act right” mantra is repeated indefinitely, and sometimes—especially, say, when your kid is under two, maybe under three—it’s true.

But with my kids, and a great many other kids we know, there comes a point where they would just prefer not to behave “appropriately.” Not because they’re tired or hungry or even rebellious; they just figure out that sometimes, what they want to do is more fun than what I want them to do. And a great number of those Expert Parenting Books would have me believe that the problem lies in my relationship with my child, not in the fact that coloring on the walls is simply an enjoyable activity, even given Mom’s disapproval.

Luckily those same parenting books (along with relevant life experience) taught me to also know my child, so I can tell with some (admittedly imperfect) degree of accuracy, what their motivation is. Because if I wasn’t sure, the suggestion that they “didn’t feel right” would lead me in absolutely the wrong direction.

Yes, sometimes behavior is about an underlying physical issue: hunger, illness, exhaustion. Sometimes it’s about an emotional issue: insecurity, fear, anger. And sometimes, sometimes it’s more fun to spray your sister with the hose than to take turns watering the zucchini, is all I’m saying, and it doesn’t need to be overanalyzed.