Morning sickness aside, I do like pregnancy. I especially like the part where I’m big enough to show, but not yet big enough to be uncomfortable. Preferably after the full-time nausea has passed and before the sciatic nerve pain has kicked in. (That should give me a solid two weeks or so, somewhere around five and a half months. Don’t you think?)

And I like maternity clothes. I do. I tend to buy a little bit trendier than I normally would, because if they’re going to fall apart by the end of the pregnancy (and lots of them do), they might as well be fabulous right now.

However. What is up with the proliferation of fireball red and candy pink in maternity clothes this season? Red and pink aren’t ever my best colors. Maybe they’re yours. But even if they are, I’m thinking pregnancy might be the time to cut back, unless you’re aiming for the scorched-tomato or cotton-candy-on-legs look.

Also: maternity gauchos? Is this really advisable? I’ve never before thought, Gee, it would be great to balance out my rounding midsection with a proliferation of fabric around my knees. But what do I know? Clearly, I do not design maternity clothes. Or any clothes. Perhaps this is fashion genius. Or at least comfortable? Shall I pick up a pair on sale and find out?

And I love how Gap and Old Navy and, well, everywhere else, too, all list SHOES and HANDBAGS in their maternity sections. Oh, yes, that one’s definitely a MATERNITY PURSE. Nothing says “bun in the oven” like an espresso clutch tucked under the arm! With coordinating ballet flats! Though I wouldn’t recommend asking strangers if they’re pregnant based on their selection of footwear. I don’t know, listing accessories in the maternity section seems like a bit of wasted marketing strategy— I never forget to check out the shoes and whatnot when shopping for maternity clothes. Accessories are the only thing I can be sure will still fit when the UPS man brings the package in five to seven days. But maybe that’s just me.