Why is it that no one feels the need to distract me with email when I’m sitting here staring at the computer screen thinking, gee, nothing happened today? Mornings: email. Middle of the day: email. Overnight: email. But when I could really use the distraction, nothing. What’s with that?

And it isn’t exactly that NOTHING happened today. Things happened, just not things anyone would like to read about. Ever. Don’t believe me? Let’s see, we washed a bunch of laundry, folded and put away said laundry, washed and dried and put away dishes, put away more laundry, cleaned the shower I never clean, changed eighty baby diapers (or at least it seemed like eighty, probably more like six), cooked and ate a bunch of meals, cleaned up after meals… blah.

Audrey’s birthday party is this weekend, and I’ve done very close to nothing to prepare for it. My mother is in charge of napkins, beverages, floral décor, and fruit. Dane and Owen are in charge of bagels. I am in charge of… showing up? Probably baking muffins, too. I am also in charge of directing Dane, whom I have just sent to the store. (See, I’m delegating! I’m the party supervisor! Very important.)

I asked him to pick up streamers. (Me: “Pretty colors, springy and baby-ish!” Him: “There are pretty streamers?”) Also balls to bounce on a parachute, because we just received a parachute as a gift and now it must accompany us on all future outings, or at least those taking place within the next 30 days. According to my children.

I specified non-foam, bouncy type balls. He called from Target to report that the balls were neither foam nor bouncy, but that he would buy some and I could Decide About Them Later. I tried a variety of information-gathering maneuvers: “What are they made of? Do they bounce? Will they bounce on the parachute?” To which he responded: “I don’t know. No. I don’t know. You can look at them and DECIDE LATER.”

And now I’m filled with trepidation about the balls. Am I to decide whether they bounce? Or whether they’re balls? What kind of ball doesn’t bounce and isn’t made of foam? A baseball? He wouldn’t buy baseballs to toss on the parachute, right? Because I don’t want to be the mom who throws parties where the kids go home with baseball-induced black eyes.

I’ll just wait and see. I suppose I can always decide NO. Though I’m sure he found something perfect and wonderful and round and not made of foam or, uh, lead. Because I think lead would tear a hole in the parachute. But why would Target be peddling lead balls? And why would Dane buy one? See, so probably he found something just right. I’ll see when he gets home. And then I can go back to doing nothing to prepare for this whole party deal.

*but go ahead and leave your suggestions in the comments section, if you’re so inclined.