“Why, WHY don’t the children SLEEP?” Dane asked me this morning.

We have this conversation every single day. They do sleep, they just think that rising before the sun is absolutely necessary.

This particular morning, Audrey woke up howling. I think the screams started before she was actually awake, and I know for sure they continued to erupt anew every seven minutes for the next several hours. I’m not exactly sure why she was so displeased. Waking up at o’dark thirty might have had something to do with it.

Instead of leaping out of bed to organize the day like proper adults, Dane and I sat in the pre-dawn darkness discussing new sleep rules. Here’s what we came up with:

1. Sleep. At night. All night. Everyone. Always.

2. Don’t scream. Please don’t scream. If you have something to scream about, gently wake us and tell us, then GO BACK TO SLEEP. Unless it happens to still be the middle of the night, in which case see Rule 1.

3. Do not wake any of your siblings. We know you did not wake them on purpose. Do not wake them by accident. Please.

So that should take them the next eighty-seven years to learn, right? Plus of course we’ll have to negotiate exceptions (including, though I suspect not limited to, the Sickness Exception, the Unfortunate Dream Exception, and the I’m A Baby And Therefore Not Really Interested In Your Rules Exception).

Oh well. Someday we’ll sleep regularly again. Though doing so may put the coffee shop down the street out of business. Hmm…