Audrey’s had trouble falling asleep the last few nights. She’s been awake for hours past her usual bedtime. No reason we could think of, just for fun. And she’s clearly sleepy. Hooray for crazy babies.

Anyhow, after two or three of these nights, we were trying desperately to think of new and brilliant sleep strategies (possibly I need Ann Douglas’ new book). Dane and I were brainstorming ideas at the dinner table before she got sleepy. Like, maybe ten minutes before. Because that’s how much planning ahead we can do.

Since “evening exercise—let her go for a jog” was out, and “read an extra bedtime story” was irrelevant, we were at a loss until Dane suddenly cried out, “Badger Balm!”

Badger Balm, for the uninitiated, is a Vaseline-like substance with a calming smell to induce sleep. Worked for Owen, though he was older and I think we TOLD him it would make him sleep, so there may have been some psychological effect there. Does nothing for Audrey, as it turns out. And now, back to our story.

So Dane yells, “Badger Balm!”

And Owen responds, “Badger BOMB? You’re gonna use a BADGER BOMB?”

We quickly produced the jar to reassure him, but the horrified look on his face suggested he thought we were about to either:

a) Launch some sort of container of badgers. Whether 1) the badgers would overrun our house, somehow causing the baby to sleep, or 2) we were to round up some elusive badgers that were keeping her awake and hurl them onto the neighbor’s yard, I could not say.

b) Find a pile of nastiness left by a badger (ew, badger bomb) and smear it on the baby.

Or, least likely and most disgusting,

c) Detonate a badger.

I very much hope she just goes to sleep tonight. Without any badger involvement whatsoever.